I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
