Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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