There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
did i walk over a car last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
