somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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