I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
