I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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