i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
