Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
