Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
