Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
