mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
barbara walters just said penis...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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