Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love having hate sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
