Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
