Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
