i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
