I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
