i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
