my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
