Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
