On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
