there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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