Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
