I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
