Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
