90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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