Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
