I just cut my nipple shaving
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How external is "for external use only"?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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