Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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