She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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