How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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