I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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