it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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