guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's the barista slut.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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