I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
please come you make the beer taste better
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
