i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
