A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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