Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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