Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize