3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to calm my uterus...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
