threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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