There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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