Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
