You really coming over, don't trick.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
