three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
