Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
