Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
