dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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