this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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