i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
