Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
