paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
