we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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