just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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