all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
