my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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