Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
