There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize