I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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