Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
