I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
