and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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