he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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