apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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