Ambien. No doubt about it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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