So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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