Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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