two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
