i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
