dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
