I'm drive I can fine osifer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
