I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
