Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
