you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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