Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
