just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
