maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
